Consistency: keep coming back

yoyoyoyoyoyo

so a wee revelation in the continuation, development, movement, evolution of this blog. Blog being the medium in which I'm tracking my artistic process/human practice: 

i think it is helpful to start with scheduling two writing sessions a week to work on it. Why? Because... it is reasonable. It is not over ambitious. It is not manic. It is a reasonable amount to show up to, on a consistent basis. And after all, this is a marathon, not a sprint. 

When I treat process like a sprint. Danger. Danger. Danger. The undertow that is OVERWHELMEDNESS has its way with me.  

It is real. 

So much in the world. so much inside. So much to do. What is right... all noise.

A tendency I have, and many artists do, is to want to produce so much. Learn so much. Expand so much. And to have it all finished and glorified YESTERDAY. I want to collaborate with everyone. Explore everything... but as a friend tells me:

"You can't wear all your favourite pants at the same time." 

The mountain of manic enthusiasm does not reach a summit but a cliff. And a foot off the cliff is  a crash. Makes sense. It all expands and expands and expands until, pop! All the ideas are too much. Too out of reach. Too moved into the clouds of fantasy and future. 

This crash incites a sense of despair resulting in the tender thoughts of: 

"what the fuck is the point of anything."

And what action do these thoughts inspire? Well for me last night, it looked like a jar of peanut butter, cigarette central and back to back episodes of the mind numbing Suits. 

And pause on that too. I am not necessarily saying that these lapses in presence are a bad thing. IT's a part of our experience to remember and forget and remember and forget and to leave and to come back and to leave and to come back...

and I came back. I closed the laptop. I cried. I had a bath. I meditated. I read my cards. I did my dishes. I went to sleep. And I awake. I meditate. I make my coffee. I watch a clip or two of global anti-Trump protest. I cry. I eat oatmeal. I open up square space. I begin to type. 

Humility: I understand that I don't understand it. The creative process in my world ebbs and flows. It holds Dark and Light. It moves between Rock and Roll and Disco.

And in process there must be Mud to have Lotus. 

ok. so these are the realities. ok. what can I do? What can we do? 

1. Show up. Everyday. To the best of my ability

2. A New day is a new day. Focus - gently. Discern. Work alongside core values. 

3. Track the process in the name of observation, awareness and discovery

4. humility and humour. always.

5. friendship and community. always. 

6. Rest. 

I am reminded that the point of this blog for me is to understand the nature of creation so that I dance with it. I see it. I respect it. I bow to it. 

xcat