If I wanna be the change I wanna see, I better #justshowup

“Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terrors, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them.” Anais Nin

So much. So much. So much. In the world. In the media. Destruction. Uniting. Sadness. Beauty. Violence. Peaceful Action. Voice. It's an overwhelming-upheaving-decadent on the decline-kind-of-time. It incites action and paralysis. Which leads me to... 

Cat. What do I do? It's big and thick in the world. 

continue to show up. to the best of my ability. continue to show up. Hashtag Just Show Up (#justshowup). continue to show up. show up more than ever. rest and show up. and repeat. and show up. show up to kindness. to love. to caring. to difficulty. to thickness. to awkwardness. to sadness. showup. 

My existence is humble. I don't have booming success. (But then again, let's actually take a part what SUCCESS even fucking means, please).  I make my living as a server and I'm 35 years old and sometimes this haunts me. But the fact is, the reality is, I make a living so that I can do my art. And this is all I can ask for. And more than that, in these fucking times, and in comparison to a lot of peoples RAW DEALS in the world, this is more than #justshowup it's more like #befuckinggrateful And for what is happening in the world, to so many... I afford to pay off my debt, little by little (accumulated in the naiveté of my 20s and early 30s to credit card companies and the power of living within my means)... I keep warm and pay for hydro, and buy cashews and raspberries and organic coffee. I pay for piano lessons and I can take a nap...often.  Call my friends. Record songs. Play with my keyboard. Nap on my couch...again. Read. Watch youtube clips and netflix shows (the ones full of integrity and the ones that aren't). Hot baths. This past weekend I even went to a MonsterJam show with some pals. 

So. In the name of hashtag just show up. What does this mean for me? 

1) Practice my scales. Mastery. 

2) Be specific. Focus. Clarity.

3) Art: Connect to my experience as a humble human spirit creature just moving along, and giving this life a shot like the gajillion have others before me. 

4) Be fucking kind

5) Be fucking grateful

And keep in mind: 

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." Mahatma Gandi

"Hate the sin, love the sinner. The good man is the friend of all living things. Civilization is the encouragement of differences. No culture can live, if it attempts to be exclusive.That service is the noblest which is rendered for its own sake. Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love.The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served.Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." Mahatma Gandi

...yes. I typed that/cut and paste that TWICE. And why not a third. 


Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." Mahatma Gandi



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— Pablo